Finland, Finland, Finland, it's where I want to be

Thursday, 26 July

A lake. A lovely lake. 

The last two days, barring a short (but still too long) visit to the island of misfit fuckery, have been mostly drive days through Finland. The drive hasn't been anywhere near as scenic as Norway. Gone are the dramatic, soaring mountains and deep fjords, replaced with kinda straggly pine forests, interspersed with lakes (Finland has over 100,000 of them) .

And with great lakes, comes giant mother effing mosquitos. Seriously, they're  the size of March flies and they  mob you. 

Also, apparently wolf-men aren't allowed to pee here. 

However there are some similarities. Like the Norwegians, the Fins seem to be obsessed with painting their houses a deep burnt red colour. I think that there would be widespread chaos and a Scandinavian identity crisis if the colour ever stopped being manufactured.

 It is also WARM!! Today we saw the temperature skyrocket to 25degrees, and after the last few weeks, I now completely understand why the English get naked the second there is both sun and temperatures in the mid-late teens. After single-digit temperatures, *everything* feels warm, and the desire to absorb as much sun as possible makes nudity appear to be  a perfectly reasonable way to celebrate good weather. Nb. Don't worry parents, there aren't any nakey (yes, I mean nakey. I think  it is a grossly underutilised and hilarious word) photos of me that will be cropping up on the Internet. It was only 25degrees for about 10mins before the universe sensed my happiness and promptly clouded over and became windy.

We aren't doing as much in Finland as I had hoped -our only full day stop is Helsinki , which is a bit disappointing, but simultaneously, it is quite a small country, and since my Lonely Planet book is locked up underneath the bus, I can't actually tell whether there are many other essential Finnish sights that I am missing out on.

We stopped in a university town, and decided to celebrate rejoining civilisation with a night out. After hopping through a variety of English and Irish pubs, we managed to find some locals to take us to "somewhere good".

So we ended up at a Tiki Bar.

Sour cider? Solution? Sugar cube and honey.
DISCLAIMER: This apparently doesn't work for bad beer.  

It was actually a lot of fun, and we even had some darkness (for a very little while). However Now-Lucy is questioning why Past-Lucy felt the need to come home at 4am, when she was aware that Future-Lucy needed to be up at 8am. Past-Lucy is such a dud.

Tonight we're going to get into Helsinki, and I anticipate the driving won't be as bad as the other days, since I fully intend on sleeping for the entire trip.

Greetings from Santa's Village/The Island of Misfit Fuckery*

Wednesday, 25 July

As you've probably gathered from the title, Santa's Village was a bit of a disappointment.

It was just one giant, crappy souvenir shop whose sole redeeming factor was that entry was free.

A photo with the big man was 25€, but if you didn't have that money to fork out, there were a wide variety of alternative momentos you could buy...

Ok, so this is an amusing gift. 

Mmmmmm. Bear in a can. 

Oh god. They pâtéd Santa! (Also, reindeer in a can). 

This is probably a step up from my old phone, actually. 

*Original* coloured pencils. 

And of course, that classic Christmas staple - the Akubra hat. 

I would love to go around and draw red noses on all of the wallets. 

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Reindeer droppings. 

Like I said. Misfit fuckery.

On the up side, the other side of the Arctic Circle. 

*for the title reference, see http://www.regretsy.com/2011/12/25/flashback-the-regretsy-christmas-special/

Blogging from the top of the world

Monday & Tuesday, 23-24 July

So after  a week of fairly intensive driving, we reached our most northerly campsite in Olderfjord. We had a rushed dinner comprising almost excusively of meat (seriously, 4 packets of BBQ pork belly, 2 boxes of frankfurty-sausagey things and roughly a million chicken limbs) , and then began to prepare for a night of frivolity on the top of the world.

We decided that the occasion warranted the inclusion of a theme, with "tight, bright and trashy" the winner. The ladies of 18D (my cabin) went all out, with 80's style topknots, pyjama pants, high socks and smudged make-up which made for some very classy photos.

The drive out to Nordkapp was long, but beautiful and frequently interrupted by herds of reindeer ambling across the road. The tunnels over here are insanely long, and are a bit nerve wracking to drive through, or as one of the girls on the bus put it,  "I don't trust tunnels that you can't hold your breath through".

Nordkapp itself is just a really big paddock, on the edge of a cliff with a visitors centre selling overpriced merchandise and some spectacularly tacky knitted jumpers. There is a fenced area, but a few of us decided to live dangerously and venture out towards another point in the paddock which was fence-free, where we then proceeded to throw rocks off the cliff, trying to hit the ocean (upon later inspection, it turns out that the part that we were throwing rocks off actually had a fairly gentle slope down to the ocean which means that we had, at no point, ever been remotely close to hitting our target).

Me + the end of ze world. 

Ugly clothing you say? I want 10. 

There was a thick band of clouds hovering on the horizon, so I can't say for certain that the sun definitely did not go down, but I'm assured that the sun won't set here for a few weeks, so I'm counting it as a conceded seeing of the midnight sun.

Midnightish sun

Driving back from Nordkapp at 1:30am was the strangest feeling. The sun was already quite high in the sky, so it felt like midday, and despite being awake for over 20hrs, I didn't feel tired at all. And then I woke up 2hrs later, with absolutely no memory of even falling asleep. That has happened to me a bit here - the constant brightness means that I don't seem to feel sleepy or tired, so my body crashes every now and again to catch up on the sleep I've missed due to my feelings of invincibility.

Thankfully, today is a rest day where we have nothing to do and all day to do it in, so I slept in until 10, skyped my parents (who even had Barnaby there so I could see him - Thanks!), have done some much needed laundry (and yes, I did have to pay for it, grumble grumble, and no, I don't think it is ever going to dry properly), and am contemplating going for a hike on one of the tracks around the campsite.

On the topic of the campsite, it is a... Character building experience. There are about 20 of us staying in a cabin in which there is one toilet and one shower. In the same room. Without a lock.

Tomorrow we start heading back down south to Helsinki, with a few stops along the way. Most excitingly, we are going to Lappland aka Santa's house! Even more excitingly, hopefully it will get warmer as we go south, so I'll be able to feel my fingers again.

Oh yeah, you can buy dead WOLF FACES as souvenirs. 

A lucky reindeer hoof?

Stupid Decisions Sunday

Sunday, 22 July

Today was yet another drive day as we were again heading north to reach the most northern point of Europe.

We made a really brief stop in Narvik, which was a key battle site in WW2. Narvik was a fairly unimpressive place (apart from the panoramic mountain/fjord views which are pretty typical in Norway) except for one thing - the harbour is ice-free all year around which is a pretty rare thing above the arctic circle. Prior to Narvik, the only harbour was one in Sweden which could only receive medium-sized boats, couldn't be expanded and was prone to freeze in winter. When Narvik was built, along with the freight line going into Sweden, the north was opened up thus making it a key strategic landmark for both the Allies and Nazi forces.

The memorial at Narvik

There were a number of battles for Narvik. In the first, the Germans pretty much sailed straight into the harbour, sinking the two Norwegian boats on patrol. A few days later, the English rallied and sank the German ships, but didn't prevent an additional 2500+ soldiers from making it to sure to bolster the German's strength. About 2 weeks later, another operation by Norwegian and French forces recaptured Narvik, however due to fighting on the southern front on the Ankenes peninsula and other developments on the continent the town couldn't be held, and the Allies withdrew from Narvik.

Strangely enough, Norwegian forces played a fairly minor part in the battles for Narvik - instead the English, French Polish forces did the majority of fighting (and dying), a point which several monuments and memorials around the town commemorate.

After a bit longer on the road, we stopped at the Polar Zoo, where the bus' most heartfelt desire of seeing a moose was realised. We got there just in time for a tour of all the predators. The chick doing the tour was possibly the coolest person alive. She was inside the lynx enclosure, and talking about how she has to make sure that she can see all 3 cats at all times because they're sneaky and will try to launch a surprise group attack, and her only protection in the pen was that she was giving them snacks, and how, if the lynx's weren't hungry when they decided to attack she "was in deep shit". Zoos - family fun times, no more.

Long story short. If the lynx isn't hungry when it decides to maul you, you're boned. 

The zoo also has a fairly intense animal/human interaction program,  where both foxes and bears are socialised with keepers from a very young age. Given that the arctic foxes were more grey than white, I was immediately thinking of the results of the famed arctic fox experiment. Given that the foxes we saw were Barnaby-esque in their obvious desire to please the zookeeper, I don't think that wagging tails are too far off for the foxes.

I take it back. Barnaby would never reduce himself to crawling on my back to get food. 

 I was a bit disappointed that we didn't get to see the bear cubs (named Salt and Pepper), but we did see their parents, who share their enclosure with 3 wolves. This is apparently designed to stimulate both species as there is increased competition for food at meal times, and apparently about once a week the wolves attempt a cou to overthrow bear supremacy, so I guess that keeps the bears hopping and the wolves scheming which is apparently good for their mental development.

A mentally stimulated bear. 

We also saw wolves and wolverines. Unlike my mental image, wolverines look like oversized badger/weasel creatures, not a larger, more fierce wolf. They're  really timid animals, apparently, and are detested by a lot of farmers because they prey on farm animals rather than more difficult catches. They are also quite choosy about which farm animals they eat, normally biting several (not-quite fatally), but only taking away one.

The most disappointing animal ever. The Wolverine. I expected it to be at least as attractive as Hugh Jackman.

Apart from the predator animals, there was a herd of reindeer, mountain goats  and moose (or meese, as we have decided that the collective should be) . There was also a petting zoo which had a baby moose (named Tassen) in it, which was adorable.

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

Baby  MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE

In no way a polar animal. But who could resist a photo of a goat falling asleep in the food trough?

Upon getting to the campsite, it was time to do the polar plunge. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, although as I expected my heart to stop and my muscles to cramp instantaneously, it is fair to say my expectations were fairly low. What it was like was being slapped in the face, hard, by cold. Your feet burn, your fingers freeze, your nose becomes brittle and every centimetre of skin erupts into thousands of goosebumps, and then you erupt screaming and crying from the water like a schoolgirl in an elevator with both Justin Beiber and One Direction. Or maybe that last bit was just me.

Running in.
Screaming. 

Running out.
Still screaming.

Afterwards, even the biting coldness of the air isn't so bad, although that's probably because all your nerves have been snap frozen.

We then went and thawed out in the sauna, where pins and needles burn across your entire body in waves.

Then it was pyjamas, sleeping bag, socks and doona time, as well as "ruminate on why you make such bad life choices time".

-Lucy

Norway is an ice cold bitch.

Saturday, 21 July

Dear Norway,

I'm breaking up with you. And it isn't easy to say this, but it's because of you. You have just been so blistering cold these last two days, I'm beginning to feel like the fire is long extinguished.

Seriously, it's the middle of summer, and you can't even squeeze out some double digit temperatures? You lure me into a false sense of security with tolerably cool mornings, only to throw a fierce wind in my face around morning tea time, and just once I'd like to eat a meal without it turning into a watery soup from your sporadic downpours.

I've tried again and again to rekindle our flame, but so far you simply have not cooperated citing weak excuses like "the entire town is built from wood, and lighting a fire risks the lives and livelihoods of all the people" and "this is a national park". I mean, if you wanted it to be over, you simply could have said so.

You are an ice cold bitch, Norway.

No longer yours, and with a numb heart and frost bitten fingers,

- Lucy

No-one should have to wear this in summer! Even if it is the Arctic Circle. 

Ps. In other news, we went to the Svartisen glacier this morning, which was really fun, and not intolerably cold at all. We got there via ferry and were told that we had 3hrs to get out to the glacier and back, or we'd have to walk  4km back to the bus through forest, so needless to say, we set a fairly brisk pace.

Jumping off a rock onto more rocks. I promise I did actually take photos of the glacier,  but they are taking *so* long to load, you're stuck with looking at me. I'll update with photos once the internet up here joins the modern world. 

I was conquering the mountain. It's much more impressive if you crop out all the people who just overtook me. 

It was about 3km to the glacier, but it was all across really uneven, rocky ground, so it was a decent hike and my ankles aren't really loving me for it. 

The glacier is the second largest ice-covered area in Norway and ranges from 50m to 600m deep. There is also a research station which is locate beneath the glacier in some rock caves.

The lake we needed to cross to get to the glacier. The water is impossibly still in part due to a sign prohibiting throwing rocks in the water. 

These rock piles are everywhere in Norway. Wikipedia tells me they're "Cairns" and are usually used to mark trails etc, however now I think they're mostly marking where tourists have been. 

It was a jumping kind of day. 

At the Arctic Circle centre. They put corn on their pizzas. Weird. 

Lucy + Moosey

More cairns. See what I mean about there being a lot of them?

Pps. Norway, I take it all back. Just when I thought all was lost, this was on your main tv station for a good half hour tonight.

Best sport ever.

If you're going through Hell, keep going. No really, keep going

Thursday, 19 July / Friday, 20 July

Nothing really new to report from the last two days, we've just been winding our way north from Åndalsnes to Korgan, via Trondheim, Hell and Steinkjer.

The scenery is still amazing and it's interesting just to sit and watch the landscape go by and change from dense no one forests to barren grassland to snowy capped mountains to immense lakes. The only problem is that Norway doesn't seem to think two lane roads are necessary or desirable, which combined with already twisting roads makes for interesting driving. Ever tried doing a 3-point turn in a bus on a single lane road, flanked by marsh on both sides? No? I wish I could say the same.

Trondheim was our first major stop. The city used to be the capital city of Norway when it was situated on a major Viking trade route. Even now, the kings and queens of Norway come to Trondheim for their coronation ceremonies. Now, the city is mostly a university town, but it still is the home to the largest, northern-most, gothic-style cathedral in Europe. Because of that, it remains an important religious location in Norway.

We went for a bit of a wander around the town after lunch. One of the girls is a keen knitter, so we found a Norwegian wool shop and went for a wander inside. It's actually really interesting learning about the types of wool, needles, knots and patterns involved in knitting, so that was a fun side expedition. We also found an old tower which was built around 1739. After a stroll, we ended up at the harbour, which we were a bit disappointed in, to be honest, as it was just a mooring for boats, no cute cafés or other touristy niceties. Turns out,  we were actually at the town's industrial harbour, and they do have a prettier harbour which is meant for tourists prying eyes.

These shoes felt so so so so so so so beautifully warm. 

Kitten mohair - (1) please tell me there is a herd of naked cats somewhere, and (2) shaving a cat must be the worst job in the world :p

An op-shop we stumbled upon

Temperatures down to -30. Shudder. 

Misc old building that we found in our wanderings. 

The cathedral was beautiful. From the sides it just seems like an ordinary run-of-the-mill cathedral, but then you round the corner and the front of the cathedral is awe-inspiring. There are intricate sculptures/carvings of biblical figures covering the front wall, and gargoyles leering down onto the square. Although how a sheep is meant to ward of evil spirits I'm not sure. He's probably the Barnaby of the gargoyles.

Gingerbread Cathedral? Guys, I've got this. 

We then made a quick stop in Hell, a not-quite town. It's not even a not-quite town, more of a train station and a post box, but it's endless potential for puns makes it seem much bigger, I suppose. Hell actually means "luck" in Norwegian, and "Gods Expedition" actually means "freight train (or something like that)" , so it's just super good luck that they have both phrases on the signs at the station. Also, Hell freezes over on a semi-regular basis, so we'll all have to rethink our use of that cliche.

Standing outside Hell's door. 

Me + the railway to Hell. 

We slept the night in Steinkjer and it was all fairly uneventful, apart from it being approximately 10degrees and damp. We actually cranked up the heater before we went to bed and ended up waking up sweating at 3am (which, incidentally, is as bright as midday) and hastily turned it off.

Today we just drove. All. Day. Long. We had a really brief stop at some ancient rock paintings (6000yrs). The reindeer carving was really well done, and amazingly preserved, particularly considering  how often the stone is frozen and thawed over the centuries. Allegedly there was also a bear carved into the rock, but I think whoever saw it was probably being a bit liberal with their interpretation of natural grooves in the rockface.

Apparently, there is a bear in there. If you find it, let me know. I'm not entirely convinced that it actually exists. 

The ancient reindeer carving. See? This one is perfectly visible - why isn't the bear???

So that's all I've been doing the last few days. Tomorrow we're hiking out to the Svartisen Glacier, which should be exciting. Then the day after we are doing the "polar plunge", where we jump into the icy water of the Arctic. I'm absolutely dreading the plunge, but I also know that I can't come this far north and not take a dip. Brrrrrrr.

-Lucy

ps. Maximum temperature for tomorrow = 7 degrees. Welcome to summer in Norway! Someone tell me how cold Brisbane is in the middle of winter again???