The Scattergun Approach: August 2012

A couple of weeks ago in a fit of madness, I decided to go for a run.

I have previously gone running and have never enjoyed the experience, but because I am an open minded individual I like to give running periodic opportunities to be a less shit and boring and painful as a form of exercise. Need I say that all my run has taught me is that running is a deeply devious and thoroughly awful activity which should be avoided at all costs.

So I set off from my home down towards a lovely pedestrian/cycle zone near my house. My intended route went something like this.

I expected it would take me about an hour.

3.5hrs later, I collapsed back onto my couch.

I would love to be able to chart on this map exactly where I went, but to be honest, I have no clue. I do, however remember various landmarks and streets that I passed. That map looks a little like this.

On another note, sure, I was a long way from my house. But not 15km.

So around about 2hrs into my trek, knowing I was lost and actually considering committing a crime so that the police would pick me up and take me home, I saw my white knight on a red motorbike. The Danish Postal Service. Who better to send me off in the right direction?

Anyone, as it turns out. Anyone at all.

Firstly, despite living on literally, the main road in Copenhagen, the Postie hadn't heard of my street. When I started listing landmarks, his eyes widened, jaw dropped and he said "THERE? But that's in Copenhagen! That's over 15km away".

I started looking for a car I could vandalise.

My hero gave me vague directions to travel in "that direction" for 2 intersections and then turn right. Which I followed.

But then I passed a bus stop and noticed that I had actually just travelled AN ENTIRE BUS ZONE further away from the city.

After asking a few Danes (who incidentally, really struggle with their left and rights), I managed to get back into civilisation.

I blame running.

So it has been gloriously sunny and warm (hot!) in Copenhagen this week. So hot, that I have actually managed to get sunburnt. How white is that? Getting burnt in Scandinavia?!?!

To celebrate being 66.66% through Danish, we decided to jump on one of the many city ferries and soak in the city and the sun from the Copenhagen canals.

Nyhavn from the water

The Copenhagen Opera.

The Little Mermaid's butt.

Copenhagen Sand Sculpture Festival

The Black Diamond

So named because of its shape, and the shiny black panels which make the building shine in the sun.

A ridiculously low bridge.

This is the old stock exchange. Two things:
1) It has rainbow flags in honour of the Copenhagen Gay Pride Festival. What a delightfully progressive city.
2) You can't really see them, but the spire is made from 4 lizard-esque creatures, with their tails twining together. The lizard things are meant to be crocodiles, but the sculptor had never seen crocodiles and so was guessing that they looked like. The result looks a bit like a komodo dragon.

A warehouse. Side A.
This is the side that was visible from the old palace, so they made an effort for it to bee pretty.

The same warehouse. Side B.
No such effort on this side.

As a part of the Copenhagen Pride Festival, we heard about a living art installation, called "The Battle of Copenhagen", featuring 100 double basses playing an original composition.

For those playing at home, this is the summary of the Battle of Copenhagen from the Wikipedia article.

"The Battle of Copenhagen (Danish: slaget på Reden) was an engagement which saw a British fleet under the command of Admiral Sir Hyde Parker fight and strategically defeat aDanish-Norwegian fleet anchored just off Copenhagen on 2 April 1801. Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson led the main attack. He famously is reputed to have disobeyed Sir Hyde Parker's order to withdraw by holding the telescope to his blind eye to look at the signals from Parker. But Parker's signals had given him permission to withdraw at his discretion; a discretion Nelson declined. His action in proceeding resulted in the destruction of many of the Dano-Norwegian ships before a truce was agreed. Copenhagen is often considered to be Nelson's hardest-fought battle"

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Copenhagen

Here's a picture of the original battle.

I should have been more prepared for the evening ahead, given that these are just some of the lines from the event's webpage:

"The history of Copenhagen is interpreted freely, and in 2012 the battle is fought with bass tones instead of bullets."

"...the Battle of Copenhagen moves within a kaleidoscopic concept time travel, to capture images woven over the theme of ‘invasion’ and ‘war’"

"Meet the 100 double bass players, beautiful old sailing ships, dancers on the water, majestic drag queens and fiery installation art…
The Battle of Copenhagen invites all local citizens and visitors for a concert experience out of the ordinary. "

Source: http://www.liveartinstallations.com/art/?p=2252

Shall we say it was an interesting experience which was in no way what I expected. For starters, apparently people hurling buckets of water around is a grossly under-appreciated element of the Battle of Copenhagen, as is people prancing around on boats eating what appear to be raw potatoes.

Also there were drag queens on boats.

The battlefield.

The boats.

The deathly art of water-flinging.

All in all, it was a strange night.

Unperturbed by the previous night's experience, however, a group of international students decided to don novelty sunglasses and coloured moustaches in honour of the Copenhagen Pride Parade.

It was super amazing fun. It was non-stop pop music, dancing and rainbows for a good 2hours.

The crowd. The atmosphere was simply incredible.

The Faculty of Law banner on one of the floats.
One thing that I found incredible was the huge number of big brands over here that had floats and were otherwise actively involved in publicising their support for the Pride Festival. The big banks, government departments, drinks manufacturers and private companies all had floats in the parade.

So there weren't very many photos of costumes which I felt ok putting up here.
Hands down, the best costume of the day does to a girl who was completely naked and painted with the rainbow flag.

That night, we heard that the Copenhagen Ballet, Opera and Theatre companies were giving a free preview of their 2012-2013 season. Keen to get some culture (and not in any way warned off by the "culture" from the night before), we got a picnic rug and snared a few square metres in Rosenborg Slot with some pizzas and cider. Apparently all of Denmark had a similar idea, so we were about a million miles back from the stage, but an excellent sound system and large screens meant that we barely noticed the distance.

It was a beautiful evening, with segments of Carmen, Romeo and Juliet and Handel's Messiah featured, as well as what we assume to be some kind of Danish play which most people found hilarious.

Buoyed by the lovely evening, we decided to keep the magic happening by popping across the Oresund to visit Malmo, Sweden.

Bikes on the train. Mine is the yellowish one at the front on the left hand side.
It's called Hugo 2.

Swedish turbines.

With a quick stop at Ikea!

Xceleraters - look familiar?

Swedish meatballs and a small parsley plant for lunch.

That friends, is crab in a tube. Yummy.

Malmo Park

Malmo beach!

It was a pretty funny beach - for starters, you have to walk all the way out on that jetty to reach water which is even remotely deep (and by that, I mean, up to your chin). There was also a healthy seaweed-based ecosystem and a large colony of jellyfish floating around. Now, as Australians, we have grown up in oceans where everything is out to bite, sting, trap, kill or otherwise maim you, so we were twitching around nervously in the water like every jelly and weed was a live wire. The Swedish kids, however, were made of sterner stuff and were having a ball picking up and throwing the jellies around.

After a bit of frolicking, we rode into town and were met by yet another large-scale and free outdoor festival.

There was also a huge amount of yarn-bombing going on.