The next day, I awoke from my ribs-coma and it was time to
bid Tennessee farewell. Luckily, that took all of 5 minutes, because Memphis
actually straddles the border between Tennessee and Arkansas. After that, we
had about 8ish hours of driving to get to our next stop – Fort Worth, Texas.
There isn’t much to write about driving for prolonged
periods, but this will probably give you a good idea of how our drive day went.
Wake up.
Go to hotel breakfast. Breaking hearts is taken very
seriously here, I assume, because they serve a variety of cakes, muffins and
donuts as breakfast, which I guess is an attempt to actually induce coronary
failure in the patrons.
Resist actually having a donut for breakfast. Reward your
self-restraint with a Banana-Pecan Muffin.
Repack. Despite not having bought anything yet, your
suitcase is contracting and this task is getting harder every day.
Jump into Elvis (our hire car. He was red).
Turn on the radio. Listen for a couple of seconds to get
your bearings, “yesterday the Boy Scouts of America voted to allow openly gay
scouts for the first time in its history…” [thoughts: good, a news station…]
“which I think we can all agree reflects the moral degeneration of society and
will result in the Boy Scouts changing their motto to “Be Fabulous””.
Change channel.
♫ Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough….♫ Listen for a while.
♫ If I ever did that, I think I’d have a heart attack….♫ Keep
listening.
♫ I want you to
stayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….♫ Keep listening.
♫ Baby you’re a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and
cruuuuuuise….♫ Sing along.
♫ Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough….♫ Listen for a while.
♫ If I ever did that, I think I’d have a heart attack….♫ Keep listening.
♫ I want you to
stayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….♫ Keep listening.
♫ Baby you’re a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and
cruuuuuuise….♫ Sing along.
♫ Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough….♫ Listen for a while.
♫ If I ever did that, I think I’d have a heart attack….♫ Keep
listening.
♫ I want you to
stayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy….♫ Keep listening.
♫ Baby you’re a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and
cruuuuuuise….♫ Sing along.
♫ Just give me a reas….♫ [Seriously? Again?]
Change
channel.
“Praise
Jesus…” *change* “ ….Obama’s economic terrorism” *change* “… the best way to
care for your truck is to…” *change* ♫ …I think I’d have a heart attack….♫ *change* “The reckoning is coming….”
*change*♫ …country music….♫ *change*♫
…country music….♫ *change* “and we’ll like to welcome our guest to comment on the Boy
Scouts of America issue, Governor Rick Perry…” [I’m intrigued]…”Governor, it’s
great to have you… Well thanks Buck, and before you ask anything, I’d just like
to say that this is a complete abomination that will destroy the societal
fabric of Americ…” *change*.
♫ Just give me a reason, just a little bit’s enough….♫ Listen resentfully.
Continue
for 6hours. Periodically rotating through the smorgasbord of homophobic,
bible-bashing, truck-caring radio programming of Arkansas.
See, I
had a driving playlist planned. And if only I’d had my way, our drive would
have sounded a bit more like Of Monsters and Men, Temper Trap, Two Door Cinema
Club, Tegan and Sara, The Wombats, Bombay Bicycle Club and a fairly significant
number of show tunes, drawing heavily from this year’s Tony nominees. Instead,
it was an obnoxious rotation of Rhianna, Demi Lovado, Pink, and country music.
Speaking country music, someone should do a poll – I’m not sure if there is a
single country song that doesn’t mention a truck, and a good two-thirds of them
mention the state of Georgia. I should make full disclosure at this point,
through sheer repetition, I have developed a Stockholm Syndrome-esque love for
the song Cruise by Florida Georgia Line, and even the remix featuring Nelly.
So
after a solid morning’s drive, it was time for a bit of a break, and we
cunningly chose to stop in the city of Texarkana. You guessed it. A town on the
border of Arkansas and Texas. We drove down the line for a bit (but actually
literally – the border goes smack down the middle of the highway, and my
lane-placement is horrible).
The
town’s post office is the only building built smack bang on the border
(building the highway sneakily stopped anyone else from profiting from the
novelty factor).
After
that, we continued onwards and further into Texas. I thought I’d have another
crack at the radio, but after checking into a full blown discussion of just
*how* morally degenerate the Boy Scouts of America had become (seriously – it
just wasn’t *that* big of a story), it Just
g[a]ve me a reason to give up and Stay
with the existing radio and risk a rage-induced Heart attack.
 |
| I was there. |
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